Thugs

The girls were with the boy at Books-a-Million for a midnight release of a new title; D went to the movie theatre. On the way back to the bookstore, some thugs tried to rob him. Honestly, Mary . . . I think he would have kicked their butts by himself. I've never seen him so angry! (And this was 30 minutes later, too.) They tried to get him to hand over his wallet, but they were not successful.

Miss You

Okay, I know this is kind of silly, but I went to the cemetery today . . . just because. I stood by the spot where your body rests. You are not there, just your cancer-ridden body. But YOU are not there. You live in heaven with Jesus. Dance for Jesus, friend! I miss you.

Milk Shakes

Okay, so we were in the car today with A and she told us a story about when she and B were about three-years-old that made me smile. She said that you took them to a local ice cream parlor for milk shakes. Both girls had very large milk shakes and greedily slurped them down. When B was done, she asked for another one. After you refused, she began whinning, which soon turned into an all-out temper tantrum right there in the ice cream shop. A said that she vividly remembers you scooping B up into a "football" hold under your arm while she was screaming all the while. Then you sweetly took A by the hand and calmly walked out of the store. What cracked me up about this is what I imagined your stoic expression to be . . . unrattled by a screaming toddler. You always keep it together. You are always in control. I need some lessons. Wish you were here to teach me, friend.

Information is Power

Learn about Rep. Carolyn McCarthy and the good things she is doing to bring IBC to the forefront of the news.
http://carolynmccarthy.house.gov/?sectionid=155&sectiontree=155&itemid=771

Learn more about IBC and pray for the guests registered in the guestbook, please.
http://www.eraseibc.com/1101.html

Outlook Article

The Outlook published a follow-up article about the family today. I just hate that everyone always picks the saddest pictures of you. You were happy that day! I have some great smiling pictures of you. Those are the best! D felt the same way today when I spoke with him about it. He and I talked at length about lots of things today. We shed some tears and laughed full belly! He misses you so much. It breaks my heart, friend. One of the points of discussion was the lack of a comprehensive cancer treatment center here in the area. With two world-premier centers just a few miles away, why can neither provide the non-FDA approved drug studies that you needed. It just seems cruel that you and others have to travel to Indy or N-ville. If we could have gotten you to N-ville again, I know you would still be here. You were just too sick. Even you told me you couldn't make that last trip. D and I were going to try though. You just couldn't do it though. So I am on this. I'm going to find out why we don't have what people need right here at home.

Celebration Day, Monday July 14

We celebrated your life today, friend. JD, John, and Doc spoke so well. The music was wonderful although Candy and I lost it during "I'll Fly Away" and missed you together. Your extended family heard the gospel. One man walked forward during the invitation and accepted Jesus as his Savior. It was beautiful. "Come to Jesus" left us all weeping in both sorrow and celebration!

Happy Graduation!

This day was so fun! You were so mad at D because he wouldn't stay in the room, but little did you know he was planning a special graduation for you to see the girls graduate! We were all in the chapel at the hospital with friends, family, newspaper reporters, television crews, faculty members, and all. The nurse finally got you out of the room to go see the "beautiful chapel stained glass windows" of course. You were so happy! I watched you and thought about all that must be running through you mind . . . You are very special, friend. You are very loved. I love this happy picture and the beautiful smile on your face. I miss you!

Visitation Day 2

Honestly, today was hard. C came back into town and I needed to see her. She needed to be close to you and me both. It has been difficult for her, too, friend. A short 48 years is just NOT enough. I talked to your neice Jennifer for a very long time tonight. We talked about the letter that she wrote for you . . . the one you shared with me at the hospital. She loves you, girl. You supported her when she needed you most and she's not ever forgotten that. I am glad that she always told you that she loved you. That's the important stuff in life anyway. Her children are beautiful and she is an intelligent, caring, and articulate woman. No wonder you love her. Another stranger came into tonight, Mr. Armstrong whose wife is battling breast cancer. He saw the story in the paper and brought D, A, and B all Bibles. D asked for his wife's name and he wrote it down so that he would remember to pray for her. Another young man from church came because his mother died of breast cancer too. He didn't really know any of you, but he came because he cared. D is tired, friend. He misses you greatly. We all do.

Circuit City Salesman

Okay, you are always up to something good. A guy that nobody knew came to the funeral home tonight. He said that he gave you an antenna for the girls car radio. He saw your story in the newspaper and recognized you and came to the funeral home to pay his respects. He told D that you were so positive and friendly that he had to come. He said that after talking to you that day, he realized how little his burdens really were. You probably gave him your ultimate reality check . . . "Well, it's not cancer, is it???" That one always stopped me in my tracks, girl. You are so cool! I love you, friend!

No beans

No beans???? What is up with that, friend? I've never heard of Mexican food without beans, but Miss Nutrionist, you figured out how to do it and make it yummy. D loves his Mexican food WITH beans! Poor guy . . . Doc will take him out for REAL Mexican. The girls and I will have Italian . . . tons of pasta!!!!!

Your Flower Boxes

Tonight I asked A what happened to the flower boxes. She said that they all had died. That makes me feel a little empty. I know you liked to keep those boxes pretty. Even when you didn't feel like it, you made sure the girls filled them up. If it's okay, I will sneek over and fill them up again . . . just because. Just for you.

Visitation Day 1

It was harder than I thought this afternoon. I walked in and saw you there. It bothered me some that you weren't smiling because you always smile . . . even when it was bad . . . but I know that is just a shell and not you, friend. When you closed your eyes here on earth, you opened them in Heaven. I know that. I believe that. I am betting my eternity on God's love for all who believe in Him. We who love God grieve differently . . . grieve with hope . . . but we still grieve. And, I miss you. Of course, I stood there and just talked and touched your hand. It was strange. There was no swelling like before. No more wrapping your hands and fingers. No more tubes and fluid-filled lungs. No more tumors or bandages (or D's crazy diagrams for the wound specialists). No more pain meds or fuzzy mind. It really is all over and you are not suffering anymore. How is it that you are there and then you are not? You've been there. I see you in everything . . . your brother's sense of humor . . . A's smile. You would have been very proud of your girls . . . D is tired, friend. His brother and yours took good care of him today. We took some dinner to them afterwards tonight and then left. We didn't go in. They just needed each other. I will help when they need someone. Just like you would do for me.

July 9, 2008

I am heavy with guilt, friend. You went home to spend some time with your family (with the aid of Hospice) and I went to Florida with mine, not knowing that yesterday would be the last day I would see you alive. That night the kids were all leaving your hospital room with cake from graduation. You were determined that everyone have some, even the nurses, food service staff, and others who came and went visiting. We had been down the hall visiting with Miss Jo and Miss Donna . . . another witnessing opportunity that you had talked to the kids about. The room was full and busy. We made eye contact for just a moment and I waved at you and you smiled. That was it. That's all on this earth. When A called us on the phone, we were in Huntsville, AL trying to get back to you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone. I would have seen you one more time. I am sorry.

Our Kids

The reality is this: my son has loved your daughter since 7th grade. We knew it long before you did. We've always prayed (since the day he was born) for his first girlfriend, that she would be solid in her faith, mature and not the clingy type, and good to our son. Maybe some would think that was silly, but you never did. Actually, you said that you and your husband pray the exact same way for your girls. Why was I surprised???? LOL Our two had always been together in groups of friends, but when the sixteenth birthday came around, our son asked us permission to date. I called you and we just smiled together. We set the ground rules for our children, but their personal rules for each other ended up being more strict. They know what they want, don't they? Now here we over a year later. She is so easy to love because she is a beautiful reflection of you and D! You've done well, friend! I didn't have the opportunity to know you as a girl, but I see you in A (and B her twin sister). I would have been your friend in high school, certainly!!!! In college, we could have easily been BFFs. So we met as mothers and maybe that is the best. Psalms 127:3 Indeed, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Difficult Day

I have a dear friend who is nearing the end of her battle with breast cancer after a valiant six-year fight. She is incredibly witty and intelligent with an enormous will to live. After hearing the news yesterday that all chemotherapy would stop, we had a moment of tears in a silent room. Honestly, I didn't know what to say and so rather than serve up a ridiculous platitude, I said nothing; I just held her hand and we cried . . . for her daughters, devoted husband . . . for time lost to illness. Then she looked at me and said, "I just want to be worthy to stand before the Almighty" and she smiled. More tears. If she is not worthy, none of us are. And, that's the truth. "Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with care, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 Rest tonight, friend, knowing that you have always been in the hands of God, the Almighty. We could have indeed been a force to be reckoned with, friend . . . with more time. So today I begin a personal journey of remembering . . . everything I can about you, so that when you are gone these thoughts will remain clear and true.